Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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