Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
