Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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