So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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