I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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