When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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