Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
