FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
