enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
