Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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