shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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