My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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