A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
