when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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