What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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