so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
