Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
