Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
