i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
