i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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