atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
