Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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