Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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