I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
