Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
