She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just pee around me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
