just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
