Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
