I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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