she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
