herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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