best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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