Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention