I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
