Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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  (515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170
  Replies (9) Good night (3811) Bad night (761)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.

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  (440): I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/1ouh
  Replies (19) Good night (4905) Bad night (656)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

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  (203): I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight http://tfl.nu/ncr8
  Replies (79) Good night (7788) Bad night (668)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.

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  (801): i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away. http://tfl.nu/p1dq
  Replies (20) Good night (3018) Bad night (3997)
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  (818): View more from California

  Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.

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  (818): Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works. http://tfl.nu/ca8d
  Replies (4) Good night (5789) Bad night (1471)
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  (212): View more from New York

  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

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  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
  Replies (24) Good night (5669) Bad night (1086)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3776) Bad night (909)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

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  (763): Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/o1tg
  Replies (3) Good night (2815) Bad night (817)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her

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  (201): i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her http://tfl.nu/006u
  Replies (5) Good night (1295) Bad night (673)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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  (847): This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle. http://tfl.nu/3imx
  Replies (7) Good night (1699) Bad night (704)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties

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  (217): It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties http://tfl.nu/jqe8
  Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (565)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it

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  (774): Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down? (978): I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it http://tfl.nu/io4i
  Replies (6) Good night (1163) Bad night (420)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia

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  (708): Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia http://tfl.nu/57sg
  Replies (6) Good night (306) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.

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  (828): Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/pw43
  Replies (4) Good night (897) Bad night (252)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?

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  (502): I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You? http://tfl.nu/sdqc
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (275)

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