According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.