I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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