the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.