Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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