i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
