Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
