It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
