He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
