my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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