Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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