Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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