wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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