She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
