wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
