maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
