i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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