He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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