i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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