Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
