she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
