Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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