I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
