I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
