Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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