all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
