bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
either way he was missing a nipple.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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