You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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