The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.