Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex