was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick