As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?