upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.