You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
