yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
