You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
