if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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