i may or may not be watching the land before time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
