remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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