What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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