i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
