My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
