Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
