he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
