Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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