I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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