By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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