I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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