I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
