Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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