If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
there is glitter all over my balls
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