$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
