dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
