the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
