Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
