wanna go halves on a baby?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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