waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
