He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
