i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
