So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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