i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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