How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
