They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
