i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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