1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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